A Mid-Life Relationship Challenge--for Husbands Only

Roughly three-fourths of all divorce actions in the USA are initiated by wives--ever wonder why? Numerous studies demonstrate that married men tend to live longer, earn more money and have lower rates of clinical depression, alcoholism and substance abuse than single males but these same trends do not hold true for married women. What's going on here?    I challenge you to answer this question: If you have been married to the same woman for more than a few years, do you demand more from your spouse than you are willing to give back in return? The days are long past when a woman defined success mostly by how "well" she married. Although certain women still choose child nurturing and homemaking as a primary vocation, many more seek to pursue a career outside the home with the same fire and intensity as their husbands. As twenty-first century husbands and fathers, are you and I prepared to make the same personal sacrifices that we expect from our wives?   Is your wife a true and equal domestic "partner? If she has a full-time job outside the home, do you share fifty/fifty in routine domestic chores? Do you cook, shop for groceries, clean house and do laundry? Do you routinely assume an active role in nurturing young children or guiding and disciplining adolescents? I trust you do not spend every evening watching TV or weekends fishing or golfing while your wife routinely logs long hours as an unpaid nanny or household domestic.   As your first step to a mutually gratifying and joyful mid-life marriage partnership,  challenge yourself to answer four questions:   1) Do I bring as much loving support to my wife as I expect to receive from her?   2) In all honesty, would my wife's daily experience be better or wlorse were I not around?   3) Am I truly supportive of my wife's vocation?  Am I willing to sacrifice personal ambitions      to advance her career?   4) Am I sincere in helping to relieve my wife's personal stress? Without being asked, do     I routinely pitch in to help with routine household tasks?   To accomplish a renewed, happy-ever-after marriage in your middle years and beyond, you will need to elevate your wife to a full and equal partner in your joint venture through life. For a moment, assume your wife's viewpoint: Would you be content in your marriage today if your two roles were reversed? Next, imagine the ideal soul mate for your wife this very day given her talents, personality, ambitions and life goals. How do you measure up? Realistically, can you bring yourself closer to this ideal? Do you sincerly want to change? For the next day or two, prectice making your wife the sole center of your attention with no agenda of your own. Do you sincerely commit to the premise that your wife's aspirations and enjoyment of life are every bit as important as your own?   If you are like me, you have approximately 78 hours of free time per week, most of which will be spent in the presence of your spouse. No matter how satisfying your vocation, hobbies and circle of friends, you will not sustain a joyful renewed mid-life experence over time while your wife remains unhappy, unfulfilled and stressed out. Just as water in connected tanks settles to a common level, your spirit will be pulled down. Also, please remember that your wife is the one person to whom you have committed your life so it makes absolutely no sense to deny her your consistent warm loving attention.   The author of this article, mid-life counselor and consultant Roy Richards, writes in detail about restoring and enhancing spousal and family relationships in his book, A Mid-Life Challenge--Wake Up!  For a preview of this book or to communicate with Roy please visit our web site:                                   www.middleagerenewal.com